jennifer

i love her. she is so sweet and beautiful both on the inside and out. caring and friendly and shy and bold all at the same time. i think she is a fairie. sent to make me feel ok with myself. i don't feel disgusting around her at all. even though she is 5 foot 2 and probably weighs like 90 pounds. but not disgusting anorexic, just petite. she makes me want to be beautiful, feel beautiful, wear beautiful things and say beautiful sayings. maybe one day i'll get there.

we're having an im conversation right now...

Jennifer: And on the main beaches, a lot of women go topless.
I saw a pregnant topless woman who was gorgeous.
I love when everyone on the beach is covered, and some person without the nicest body ever has the beautiful confidence to go topless when no one else is.
It makes me smile.


my thoughts that i didn't send her: its easy to find other people attractive when you know your body is amazing and you can't compare them.

sometimes i hate myself.

tyler lies

on saturday july 30, tyler sent me a text saying he couldn't pick up adrian because rider was still sleeping. news to me that rider is more important than adrian. he told me he was going to take adrian to the washington county fair on sunday. so i asked him this morning via email. he said adrian said he didn't want to go. which is the opposite of what adrian told me on friday AND on saturday. then tyler told me they went to genevieve's yesterday. which is a several hour trip. which means they never had plans to go to the fair.

i cannot trust anything he says.