done!

yeahhhh. i thought i'd feel... sad or something. but i feel... like a weight has been lifted. too much drama. i need to simplify my life.

starting with michael. he's out.

selling my van. top priority.

buying a bike that is 2 kid friendly.

getting a cheaper phone.

hmmm...

i know there is more...

explain please

how can you be a vegetarian - for ANY reason, morals, health, taste, etc. - and do things like... smoke cigarettes? or drink 4 diet pepsi's a day? eat peanut butter cups for breakfast?


i'm not a vegetarian. i don't want to be. i enjoy vegetarian food. i like vegan food. i like gluten free food. i'll try anything. i don't claim to be a health nut. but i feel healthier than a lot of veggie's claim to be. i don't drink soda. i don't smoke. i eat a good breakfast and lunch and try to make a good dinner every night. and YOU look down on ME because i eat MEAT!?


what the eff.

i'm so fucking poor

wow. i am so incredibly fucked. where the fuck is all my money? oh. oh yeah... the douche bag that inseminated me owes me A BILLION MOTHER FUCKING DOLLARS. in reality he owes me over $3,000.

thursday midday

tomorrow is david's last day at work. it makes me almost want to cry. i am actually trying hard not to think about it. i'm gonna be stuck here with claire. nobody to talk to. or make fun of. i hope they hire somebody at least half as cool. :( we took pictures today of all of us on day crew. i'll post some later when i get home.

and jen from for your pleasure called me! i have to call her back but she wants to get me started on selling!!!!! MY GOD I AM SO EXCITED!!!!! I can do this. I know this sex stuff. i wouldn't say i'm a terrific seller, but if i act like a retard people will buy from me because they feel sorry for me, right? :D

middle of the month

nearing the end of the month and here is where i begin to panic. my rent is due on the first. i won't be able to pay it. i still owe two late fees for my past late rental payments. i can't pay my daycare. i can't make my car payment. i haven't paid car insurance in months. i have too much debt, collectors calling every day, calling me, my family, my friends, my work. i don't spend frivolously. i can't buy my kids clothing or toys. i get $88 a month for food stamps. i pay every bill late and stagger them around so i'm never too far behind but one thing is always in danger of being shut off. i want to go to school. but i can't. i'm watching everyone achieve things and fly by me and i'm sitting with my kids on the curb playing with sticks. at least we're happy. even when i get my 3rd eviction notice this august i'm going to feel the way i always feel when i get one: first, horrendous fright. second, stupid calm. third, chillllllllll. because. if i have to sell all my shit and live on people's couches with my kids. i'll have nothing left to lose BUT my kids. and they will never leave me. i will never leave them. you can be happy with nothing. ... but i still don't want to be evicted.